Give me love
by Emm178
Summary: Studying at Hogwarts is not as hard as falling in love. Moreover, falling in love with no other than Draco Malfoy. Could he give love back?
1. Chapter 1

I stepped into the train station.

I passed the wall. Finally.

Exactly like I was being told: the Hogwarts Express.

From the day I was born my parents were proud to say that I will be a great witch. Smart and sophisticated one.

My parents, both wizards used to tell me every night, before I went to bed how it was to study at Hogwarts, from the ride to school thought sorting ceremony until the very last day.

I was very thrilled to learn new things and see with my own eyes what my parents had talked about.

After the long ride, the sorting ceremony, and the amazing feast we went to bed- not before I ran into a very arrogant blonde hair boy.

He looked at me. I could say he was kind of confused, but somehow he held himself and didn't say a word, and walked away from me, towards Harry Potter.

Later I realized that he was(like my friends called him with a very disgusted look) "no other" than some boy called Draco Malfoy.

The fourth year was here and the Yule ball was around the corner.

All my friends got dates and I was the only one who didn't.

the ball was about to start and I was in my bed. why should I go? I don't have a date, it will look ridiculous.

my friends tried to convince to get out of bed and get dressed but I refused.

they didn't listen. they did my makeup and hair and send me to where my dress.

I couldn't reject anymore. obediently I changed and they gasped

when I was finally ready.

'you are so beautiful!' one of them said.

'Forget about a date, boys are stupid'

I smiled and we went down to the great hall.

we got in and I saw so many couples. there was something that caught my eyes. I didn't know why but the sight of Draco Malfoy standing there with this Pancy girl annoyed me.

I noticed that he was looking at me for a long second and he turned away.

it wasn't the first time it happened,

Sometimes I caught him looking at me at dinner in the great hall, but soon as I spotted it he looked away.

He used to do it very naturally like he was glancing at some point behind me.

My friends went dancing with their dates and I was alone, drinking a butterbeer. A Durmstrang boy came towards me and invited me to dance.

I saw Draco giving us a tiny look as we went outside, trying to talk.

Another year has passed, and I entered into my fifth year in Hogwarts.

Every evening of the first two weeks I used to sit on a rock in the gardens, watching the sunset, all by myself.

One of these evenings I was thinking about my friend's boyfriends, and how for almost four years Draco has managed to capture my eyes.

My thoughts were interrupted by some noise behind me. Footsteps, very slow and gentle.

I froze. After few seconds I turned around, there was nothing behind me.

It was late so I decided to go back to the castle, when I entered the common room I ignored a very sweet couple that sat on the wooden chairs and went quietly to my bed.

I closed my eyes even though I wasn't tired and somehow the image that jumped into my mind was Draco's.

I decided to dedicate few seconds to think about it. Everything that I do is calculated, and I couldn't try to understand my thoughts, or more than that, my feelings.

I couldn't exactly say that I have feelings for him, but something made me feel very attracted.

I spent something like a half an hour thinking, when I started to feel very tired, I fell asleep, not before I've seen Draco's face in my mind, again.

Next morning I woke up earlier than usual, I don't know why...

Slowly I got up and started getting ready.

Until I was ready my roommates had woken up.

I left the room and got into class, not waiting for breakfast in the great hall.

I sat down next to one of the tables and opened my books, of course, I wasn't surprised that the first class on Monday morning is with the Slytherins, but what did surprise me was that Draco Malfoy was sitting few tables away from me, half an hour before class started.

he looked at me for a very long second. I felt a very strange needed to smile. I smiled and he got up from his chair, starting to get closer to me. He stopped, gave a long look at the floor and got out of class, probably to the great hall.

I stared at the way he was standing before he got out of class, wondering what the hell just happened right now.

I got into class planning to go over the last lesson we learned and ended up thinking, again.

What happened here?!

What Draco was doing here half an hour before class started?!

Why did he started walking towards me and stopped? What did he want?

And what he was thinking about when he was staring at the floor?

My thoughts were interrupted by students that were entering the class.

A few minutes later, we started the lesson.

I was busy writing in my notebook when a noise of doors getting opened was sounded.

"Mr. Malfoy," Said the professor "don't you think you are late?!"

Malfoy didn't answer, he just nodded and sat quietly on an empty chair.


	2. Chapter 2

I looked at him.

He was staring at the floor again.

For the first time in my life, I couldn't pay attention to what the professor said.

The lesson ended and I felt so irresponsible, how could I be so unconcentrated in the lesson?! This stupid Malfoy! Why am I even thinking about this arrogant annoying boy?

We have nothing in common and he had never talked to me!

Not paying attention to where I was going was another thing in this day I haven't paid attention to. The books I had in my hands fell on the floor and my bottle of ink broke and was spoiled all over the floor.

I couldn't believe that Malfoy would come to help me, but he came, quietly.

Draco bent down, and for a second he was very close to me.

Quickly he picked up all my books, looked at me in the eyes, gave them to me without touching me even on the finger, turned around and left the classroom.

I left the classroom quickly, almost running.

It was a weird feeling. I could almost hear my heartbeats.

What have I done? What makes me look at her in this way?

Oh god, I think I'm going nuts...

What just happened?

I have no idea what made me help her, who have I become?

A weird thought came to my mind that bottle of ink that had broken felt exactly like my heart.

Shattered and exploded, spoiled all over the place, and no one can make it whole again.

My brain was exploding, nothing made sense, why would he want to help me? Did he go mad?Malfoy wasn't a 'helper'.

The weekend was here. we went to Hogsmeade.

Later, I was left alone in the 'three broomsticks' drinking a huge cup of butterbeer.

This world is crazy, what is going on?

Someone sat in the wooden chairs next to me, I didn't pay any attention, until I heard his voice, ordering butterbeer.

Draco Malfoy's voice.

After few seconds He got up from his chair, leaving his ordered butterbeer behind and started walking towards the exit.

I felt the need to say something, but I didn't know what.

I took a deep breath.

'Malfoy.' I said

He stopped walking but didn't turn around.

'Can I ask something, please?' I stood up and walked towards him, while he still was with his back against me.

'What is going on?' I continued.

Finally, he turned around, but very slowly. 'I have no idea what are you talking about.'

'You have no idea?' I confronted him, I don't know why, but I started to feel very angry 'how come you have no idea?!'

He knew I was about to explode, telling all the pub what Lucius's Malfoy's son has done in the past 4 years, he looked at me and his eyes were screaming 'be quite!'

Very surprised he grabbed my hand and took me to a far corner of the room, I tried to resist but he was way stronger than me. It just made me angrier.

'What are you doing?! Are you mad? Do you think that a 'talk' will make me feel better?!'

'Listen..' he had started to say, but I stopped him

'No, I won't listen, you listen to me! Are you so afraid someone to know that you are not as hard as your father-'

He let go of my hand.

He looked me in the eyes, I started drowning into his gray eyes, his beautiful gray eyes and I finally shot up.

'I'm not afraid. I'll never be afraid of anything'

'I'm sorry to ruin your beliefs but you are. You are afraid to feel love. Do you think I'm stupid? You are afraid to say it to me..'

There was silence for a long minute.

'Don't compliment yourself' Draco said and was about to leave the conversation.

'Do you think that you staring at me for years at the great hall, or you acting very weirdly is to compliment myself?'

He didn't answer, he gave me a last look and faded away.

For two weeks Draco Malfoy didn't make eye contact and he returned to be the stupid, arrogant, annoying guy that everybody hates.

One of the evenings I was walking around the castle ground with my friends when I saw him.

The vision made me sick.

Stupid Malfoy was sitting few feet away from me with his housemate, or more than that, Pency-something, very closely seating.

Who even cares what her name was?

I turned around, and without much explanations, I returned to the castle.

'What was that?' My friends asked.

'I don't know' I lied, still thinking about his words.

'Don't you think you can't show any sense of what you call love because of what your fool friend will say?'

Wondering, I went to bed.

Was I really afraid of telling my friends that Malfoy caught my mind?

That he is afraid to say what he really feels? If he really does...

For two weeks Draco Malfoy didn't make eye contact, again, he didn't say a word to me, not that I really cared.

Monday night I couldn't sleep, I spent all night thinking.

I got up from my bed, something like in the afternoon, very late for class, pretty tired, and very angry, again.

I ran towards the classroom, running into one of Malfoy's scary friends.

'Watch where you going!' He screamed.

'Oh, shut up!' I answered, very surprised and a little bit scared of myself. 'You and your stupid friends!'

He gave me a very frightening look.

I took a deep breath, not knowing how to rescue myself.

How could I be so stupid? I am The stupid one! This Malfoy gets all the bad out of me, I hate him! I'm late for lessons, I couldn't sleep and I'm not concentrated. I would never scream in the hallways out of nerves if it wasn't this Malfoy.

'Let her go' ordered Malfoy that came behind me.

I froze, now he comes? Now he remembers I exist? One day he speaks to me and in the next, it's like I'm no longer here.

The stupid bully got away and I was left with Malfoy.

I ignored him and started to walk away when suddenly he grabbed my shoulder.

'Leave me alone you coward!' I screamed.

He was pretty shocked, Having nothing to say.

I turned around and he grabbed my hand and pulled me very close to him.

He looked around to see if we were alone in the corridor.

For a second I couldn't breathe and my heart jumped. His hand was cold. Very cold, like he never got warm next to a fireplace held or worst- held someone's hand.

I remembered I was furious with him and I was about to punch him in the face. He let go of my hand and he left, almost running.

For a minute I stood there like a fool, my head was empty.

I took a look at my hand, maybe trying to find something odd there, but it was normal.

I took a deep breath and I felt my eyes filling with tears.

I ran outside, sitting next to a lonely tree.

I burst into tears. Was I going mad? What is going on?!

I stayed outside for the rest of the day.

It was already night when I thought I should go back to the castle.

Someone came next to me. I stood up looking at Malfoy's face.

He looked at me in silence.

'What do you want?' I asked.

He didn't answer.

'I don't want to hear from you, please leave'

He didn't move a muscle.

I took a deep breath, planning to say something, but not knowing what when he took my hand, and again he hand was cold.

I looked in his bright gray eyes when I leaned over to kiss him.

He froze.

I took a step back and he looked pretty lost.

'Say something' I asked.

He didn't say a word so I made him sit next to me on the grass.

'Why did you do that?' He finally said.

I laughed, after a long time I laughed, 'Don't you think that is a very stupid question?'

He gave me a tiny smile, a real smile, that I have never seen, and got up.

'Where are you going?' I asked.

'I.. mm.. I have a prefects meeting'

I stood up immediately as I called him. 'Draco..', but he left.


	3. Chapter 3

I haven't mentioned our kiss in front of Draco for a couple of days.

I was at the library when I heard one of the Gryffindor mention Draco's name.

I wasn't able to listen, there were too many noises around me, but I only heard they said something about his parents.

That was the first time I heard a mention or thought about his parents and how they influenced Draco's life.

I knew only general information about his parents. Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy weren't the nicest, and as much as I knew about Draco's father I could even say he was pretty rude.

Before, I didn't think too much about Draco's relationship with his parents, and what exactly does he share with them.

I started to be very concerned about our kiss, and what his parents might think about Draco getting involved with a

non-Slytherin girl, even though she is a pure blood, and there's no need to mention that my family is not very known among the wizarding world.

When I was on way out of the library I ran into one of Draco's friends, who was pretty amused of getting the chance to bother me.

'On your way to where? If I may ask..' he smirked at me.

'You may not' I answered quickly and started walking away.

Instantly he grabbed my hand very strongly and said quality, 'I know everything...'

I got very nervous but tried to keep it natural.

'Know what? What are you talking about?'

'Don't be a fool!' He said

I tried to leave, but he didn't let me go.

Oh, Draco, where the hell are you?

I was about to go mad.

'What are you doing?!' I heard a voice behind me, 'Leave her alone'

For the first two seconds, I prayed it would be Draco, but it wasn't him, it was Harry Potter.

The boy looked at Harry, who was looking extremely furious.

Finally, he let go of my hand.

I stood there for a long second when Harry asked 'are you O.K?'

'Yes, thank you' I said quality.

'What was that all about-?' Harry started to say, but I ran away, looking for Draco.

I found him at the end of the corridor, talking to someone.

I stopped. It was his father.

What a timing...

Lucius looked over Draco's shoulder and gave me a look they made me feel frightened for a second. Like he knew everything that was going on in my head.

He started to walk away from Draco, still looking at me.

He stopped right in front of me and quickly scanned me from head to toe, and left.

Draco didn't move from where he was since his father left.

His back was in front of me, and he just stood there without moving, probably thinking.

'Draco...?' I said quality.

He turned around.

'Where were you?!' I asked and told him what happened in the library.

He didn't wait until I finished, 'I don't need you to try to protect me or my family!' He said angrily.

'Seriously?! Are you even listening to what I was saying? I didn't try to protect you, you don't even need me for that' I answered and quality added 'or for anything at all'

I started walking away when he called me to get back.

'I don't want to talk to you right now, you really annoyed me at the moment'

'Can you please go back? I...I'm...I'm sorry..' he said quality.

I got back, still annoyed.

Voices and footsteps noises were coming down the hall.

He got away while looking at me and disappeared

science Dumbledore left Hogwarts everything got out of control.

Our lessons were a mess, no one was concentrated.

I haven't seen or heard anything from Draco for a couple of days until one of the Gryffindors mentioned that he joined to Dolores Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad.

It was few days after I heard about Dumbledore's Army.

I didn't feel like it was the best thing to do at the moment, I was afraid that by a mistake I'll be discovered by Umbridge and get punished.

Luna told me once that if I'll always be afraid I'll never move along with life.

She was right, but it didn't change my feeling.

I also thought of what will happen if Draco finds out that I joined the army.

I really liked him, and too afraid to lose him.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a cold night outside the castle, but it didn't make me pass on the routine of sitting in the gardens, even though it was late.

I raised my eyes and I saw Draco standing next to me, thinking.

I thought about the other day when he spoke to his father, I felt a bit sorry for him.

'Draco...' I said quality.

He didn't even look at me.

I wasn't sure what exactly I was going to say.

'Stop being afraid' I finally said.

He didn't move a muscle.

'I can understand how hard it would be, but you have to-'

I tried to hold his hand, but he got away from me.

I didn't think about giving up so quickly, and I went closer to him.

I think he was worried that I'll kiss him again.

'Stop' he said.

'I won't. I know you don't want me to.

I see it, every time, over and over again.

Every time I'm getting near it's like you're putting all the appearance of the tough guy and just being you.

I'm not saying you are not tough or strong, you are, but it's the real you that makes me want to be so close to you, and I've seen it almost from the very first moment I met you. You were, and you are different, in a very special and good way.

Don't be afraid, you shouldn't fear of love. feel it. Show it.'

It started to rain.

I took his hand and put it on my waist.

I gave a little smile and all he did was deeply looking into my eyes.

I leaned in, but he didn't let me kiss him.

There was a total darkness, I closed my eyes and felt the raindrops on my face.

For almost five minutes we stood up like this until I felt both of Draco's hands on my waist and his lips on mine.

The dinner at the great hall just ended.

Draco and I were together for a while already, but alway far from other people's eyes.

I saw Draco walking towards the big wooden doors and heard him saying something about forgetting something on the table.

There was nothing on the Slytherin table.

I walked away, towards the gardens when I heard Draco's footsteps behind me.

When we got outside I stopped next to the lake and Draco stood next to me.

I smiled to him.

'Why are you smiling?' He asked, suspiciously.

'Tomorrow's the unofficial late valentine's day' I said 'Don't you want to ask me something?'

He didn't understand,

'unofficial late valentine's day? What? What I should ask?'

I laughed 'like... like... would you be my valentine or something?'

He laughed.

I was very confused and a little offended from his reaction.

'What?!' He asked

'What 'what'?! It's valentine's day!'

He laughed again 'Listen, I don't like this kind of things...'

I have a really weird boyfriend... boyfriends? That's what he is?

The Ravenclaw common room was Decorated as valentine's day arrived.

I went inside with a tiny smile on my face, I really liked this day, but it wasn't perfect. Not yet.

Draco avoided me all day long.

Or maybe... Did I avoid him?

I sat down in a far corner with a book, trying to ignore the couples that were sitting together.

When I realized that concentrating on what I was reading is not going to happened I gave up and got into my room.

The room was empty, but on my four post bed was something, a note. With three words on it attached to a red rose.

'Happy Valentine's day'.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't believe that sixth year started.

Draco didn't contact with me all summer, didn't even send a letter with at least one word.

I was very confused.

Our relationship in very complicated,

we are not sposed to be seen together, doesn't matter where.

Even when we are alone he doesn't talk too much, most of the time we just stand next to each other in silence. Until this school year ended.

Could something happen to him?

When I got to the Hogwarts Express I was looking forward seeing Draco, but it didn't happen.

I was disappointed and very worried.

I didn't see him in the sorting or the feast.

When the feast ended I finally saw him, but in the moment I wanted to approach to him, not even caring that were people around he disappeared.

I couldn't sleep that night, what was going on with him?

Or maybe it was with me?

Did he want to break up with me?

If that's the case he should just come and say it! I believe he has the guts to do it, does he? Or maybe not?

I was going mad.

My friend and I were on our way to Slughorn's potions class.

She was very happy with the grade she got last year.

We got into the classroom and sat down with two boys from Ravenclaw.

My eyes were fixed on Draco Malfoy, who was sitting few feet away from me.

I smelled the greatest smell of all.

A smell of the Hogwarts grounds after rain and the smell of a new book.

Professor Slughorn talked and while she answered his questions about the potion with this great smell I thought,

A love potion, the most powerful one.

My mind was busy thinking about Draco.

"I would really like to use this love potion sometime" she whispered in my ear.

I wasn't listening to her, "what did you say?" I asked when she got my attention.

"What's going on with you?!" She said angrily.

In the first two weeks, he continued ignoring me. Every time I wanted to talk to him he disappeared and I couldn't find him doesn't matter where I looked.

I really got sick of it.

A few days later I got the chance to talk to him.

All the students were getting into of the classroom and we were the only ones to be left in the corridors, by ourselves.

'What's going on?' I asked abruptly.

He turned around to look at me and I saw a tired face reflecting me.

'Can we talk about it later?' He answered.

'No! You are avoiding me! What's going on?!'

It took a while until he answered.

'So?' I asked.

'We shouldn't be seeing each other anymore' He said and left to the closest classroom quickly as I stood behind.

In one of the weekends, we went to Hogsmeade, as usual.

as much as I didn't want to run into Draco, as much as offended as I was, I also wanted to talk to him, clear up some things with him.

What is going on with him? what is wrong with me?

luckily, or unfortunately, I haven't seen him. he probably stayed in the castle...

what makes him give up on a great weekend at Hogsmeade? me?

I didn't spend so much time talking while I sat with few friend and classmates in the 'Three Broomsticks'.

I spent these few hours staring at my butterbeer. thinking. I had so many questions, I was so angry with him, I needed to see him.

When we were on our way back to Hogwarts I heard that something happened to a girl from Gryffindor, Katie Bell. can this kind of dangerous thing happen under Professor Dumbledore's nose?

I was invited to Professor Slughorn party and even though I didn't really want to go, my friend, made me to.

It reminded me very much of the yule ball two years ago, just that so much has changed. All my best friends left the school and I had to find myself new girls to hang out with.

Of course, I was very glad to be invited and have fun for at least one night, but it just didn't feel right at the moment.

The place was Decorated and I felt so lost there.

Filch got in with the last person I wanted to see. Malfoy. I didn't know what I need to feel about him. I was very angry with him and very offended, but I had a feeling that I wasn't going to give up so early.

Professor Slughorn invited him to stay 'it's Chrismas..' he said.

Draco looked miserable. I prayed he won't stay, I just want to have fun tonight, but when he left with Professor Snape I felt the need to go after him.


	6. Chapter 6

another Quidditch game.

I didn't stop thinking about what I am going to say to Draco when he'll finally stop avoiding me.

I wanted to shout everything I wanted to say to him. To shoot so many curses at him. He had to figure out what I am feeling.

Mostly I was very angry, I didn't think about being sad or miserable.

Draco though looked annoyed, concerned and sick.

I couldn't stop myself from feeling worried about him being sick. I felt so confused. I didn't know what to think, what to do with my all feelings.

But it went clearer and doesn't care anymore. He really doesn't, and I finally understood it right before I went out to the Quidditch field.

I saw him. Walking on the corridors with two girls next to him.

I.. I felt so... so not me. I felt betrayed.

I felt so weak, so small, so stupid.

I was such a fool! What made me think that after he broke up with me in that kind of cruel way he would like to 'talk about it'?

I'm so hopeless, I never knew that.

I almost ran to the Quidditch fields, as HE was left behind, probably haven't even seen me.

I sat next to my friend, quietly.

The game started but the noise of the crowd sounded so far away. The moment I saw HIM in the corridors haven't left my mind.

When what I saw on the corridors finally sank into my brain, and I understood it means I couldn't see anything. Not in my mind, and not physically. Everything was so blurred.

I got up from my seat, actually running to my dormitory.

I sank into my bed like a little girl, crying my soul out.

I guess I never thought about how much time Draco Malfoy took from my life, and what part he took in my heart.

I was so mad, I was broken.

I wanted to curse him, make him feel terrible. Make myself feel better.

In the next two weeks, I barely ate and slept.

I got out of my bed only to get to class and then back to bed.

I felt so bad I didn't want to talk or even to see anyone.

My friend was very worried. All this attitude isn't me. she thought I was sick, but I barely talked, so she couldn't know exactly.

I needed some air, I was inside the castle for too long. I couldn't do it anymore.

one o'clock in the morning I got out to breath the cold and fresh air with a big sweater and my wand, holding it tightly. I felt so useless. It was terrible, I was so afraid of what I become, so not me.

It has to get easier somehow. It won't be my first love or my first breakup...

I was interrupted by a noise behind me.

I held my wand closer. Ready to curse who or whatever it was. It was nothing. Probably the wind.

Suddenly Draco Malfoy was standing next to me.

I held my wand, trying to stop my hand from shivering, ready to jinx him.

He said nothing. He hasn't told me to take down my wand like he'll deserve everything that will come on him.

He stood there in total silence. I wanted him to say something. I wanted to be able to scream at him. But no sound came out of my mouth.

And again I felt the tears go down on my face.

"How dare you..." I said quietly "how can you do this to me!? Why did you do it?"

He looked at me in complete silent until he said the most useless thing I could think about.

"I'm sorry..."

I went mad.

"I'm sorry?! I'm sorry?! Are you sorry? Are you being serious? I have never thought, in my howl life that someone could be such a fool. Such heartless as you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry?! Have you ever thought what was going on with me these last month?! Have you?" I was disgusted. I was so angry. "You are such a fool"

When I saw his face I felt a little bit sorry for what I said. He looked like someone who has been punched in the face.

"And I am still sorry..." he said in a very low voice "deeply sorry..."

It seemed like he really meant it.

My head was exploding.

I felt I was going crazy.

For the first time in my life, I felt scared. This whole year was crazy.

I had doubt if I could fulfill the dark lord's wishes.

Why me? Why?

When I stood there, next to her I felt for the first time that I did something wrong. She looked hopeless. So beautiful. But hopeless.

"I'm sorry," I said, without being able to explain myself.

She went mad, and she had full rights to be. I deserved it. I deserved everything.

I wanted to tell her why I did it. I wanted to tell her everything, I wanted to tell someone who won't tell coward, even though that's what I was. And if she will tell me that I'm a coward she will be the only one I'd like to hear it from.

But I couldn't tell, I couldn't risk myself and even her.

All I wanted was to stand there, next to her, without talking, in complete silence and pretend that none of the bad things happened. Forever.

Slowly he tried to reach for my hand but I couldn't let him.

I just couldn't.

And I broke into tears again.

Draco didn't know what to do with himself, he seemed so confused, so lost.

In a very weird way, I felt his arms around me in what was supposed to be a hug. As the time passed with my tears watering his black suit the hug got tighter and less weird.

I don't remember when we let go of each other, but I surly remember that I couldn't see where I was going when everything so blurred around me.

"I'm sorry..." he said again. But it wasn't the kind of apologies for something wrong he did, but for what he will do. And with these last words, he left, leaving me behind with the urge to jump from the astronomy tower.


	7. Chapter 7

this morning was better. I finally ate something after days and said some words here and there.

I haven't seen Draco, where could he be?

I'm going to fail, and I knew it. He is going to kill me, and it will be the end.

What made me think that I could do it? What made me think I will be able to kill Dumbledore?!

I'm such a fool.

"I can't do it anymore. I can't."

And then I saw him. Potter.

I was so angry. I have never felt angrier. I pulled out my wand, ready for everything.

I attacked back. And when I heard a noise of a fall I guessed it was time.

Am I really going to use it? Absolutely.

"Crusi-" but I heard Potter yell a curse I didn't know.

I felt I was torn to pieces.

My body was screaming for help.

I felt my body being emptied of blood.

Everything sounded so far away. So blur.

All I could and want to think about is that kiss we shared. Probably the best day of my life.

The first and last time I wasn't afraid of anything.

This was the end.

I'm going to die.

Suddenly I felt my injuries getting closed, cold hands on my face.

Am I dead?

my senses came back, I could feel again.

I felt the freezing floor against me. I could finally see, even though everything was a blur.

The next thing I remember was waking up at the hospital wing.

The warm white bed sheets in a warm big room.

the first thing I saw was Pansy sitting next to me, looking very worried.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

I prayed she wouldn't be here.

"Ok" I mumbled.

"Great" she said and hurried to hold my hand.

This was the worst feeling ever. I wished someone would curse me again or will make her go away. I don't need her here. She means nothing to me and I'll better say it to her as soon as possible.

Luckily Madam Pomfrey came.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy I'm happy to see that you are awake. Miss Parkinson I will have to ask you to leave and let Mr. Malfoy rest."

Pancy looked furious but she left, not before she sent me a worried look and kissed me on my cheek.

"Have you heard?" Asked my friend when we sat in our bedroom.

"Heard what?"

"Pansy Parkinson, right...?"

Pug face. I hate her.

"She said that Harry Potter cursed Malfoy and he is badly injured. He is in the hospital wing..."

What?!

"...After this I wouldn't like to get on Potter's nerves..." she continued.

I wouldn't like to make any noise. Pretend like it has nothing to do with you. You don't care.

But I was going mad.

I started to plan in my head how I'm going to visit him in the hospital wing and see him without making anyone ask questions, and without stupid Pansy to notice.

I decided to wait until everyone went to bed.

It felt like forever, like the clocks barely moved.

Finally, when everyone fell asleep I sneaked out of the common room to the hospital wing. Everything was so dark and I prayed Filch wouldn't be around.

I don't know how but the door to the hospital wing wasn't locked. Was the door usually locked? I didn't know.

I found Draco in the far left corner of the big room.

Slowly I reached for his hand and gently held it, trying not to wake him up.

He looked so peaceful while he slept.

He woke up and I told him to be quiet.

"It's after midnight..." I whispered with a tiny smile on my face.

"How are you feeling?"

Draco nodded

"Couldn't you say 'now better' or something like this?" I said with a laugh.

He gave me a tiny smile, almost unrecognizable.

I kept going to the hospital wing after midnights until Draco left.

Mostly we didn't talk, I just sat there for a half an hour until he fell asleep again.

Pansy Parkinson also visited Draco every single day after or between classes.

Right after Draco came back from the hospital wing he disappeared.

I couldn't find him anywhere.

Where is he?

I have to do this.

This is my mission and I will do it.

I'll do it as well as I can.

I can do it.

I took a deep breath and pulled the handle of the cabinet.

I was walking around at the castle gardens with a friend.

"So what did you do when-?" She started to ask me, but a loud noise interrupted her.

"What was that?" She asked in a panic.

"I have no idea..."

I raised my head and felt my lungs getting emptied from oxigen.

green light forming the dark mark was above the astronomy tower.

We ran back towerds the castle and stopped when we heard voices.

What is hoing on inside? it sounds like a battle.

"Stop!" I called to my fried that started walking to the entrence hall.

"You can't just walk in! We have no idea what is going on inside!"

After a while the battle noises stopped.

"The went up there..." I heard someone saying.

We walked slowly inside.

I looked around. It really looked like something happen here.

"What are you doing here?!" Called one of the professors.

Non of us could answes. We were shocked and mostly afraid.

We were in the common room, talking loudly.

Everyone knew that something was happening, and they were all talking about it.

One of the girls came into the common room, pale-faced and shocked.

We didn't notice her when she came in, but she just stood in the middle of the room staring at us.

"Margret?" Someone asked. "Are you OK?"

She didn't answer.

"Margret?" He asked again.

"Proffesor Dumbledore died tonight."


	8. Chapter 8

We all sat in the great hall when Professor McGonagall told us to follow our head of the houses.

Before I got up I searched for Draco but he wasn't there.

We were all shocked as we walked outside to the grounds.

Everyone was there. Teachers, students, creatures...

Everyone except Draco.

I wonder where could he be?

My eyes filled with tears when all the teachers sat down and I couldn't recognize who was the man that talked at the moment.

A while after he finished everyone started to get up from their seats to get on the Hogwarts Express.

I started walking towards the carriages.

I heard a noise and someone calling my name.

"Go ahead" I told my friend.

I went towards the voice, far from the carriages.

There, few steps away from me was Draco.

He noticed the dried tears on my cheeks and stared at the ground.

"Where were you? I've been looking for you... you missed the funeral" I said.

"Did you know about-?"

"Yes..." he said, still looking down "I...

I had to go..."

He looked so tired like he hasn't slept all night.

"Draco, are you OK?" I asked, worried.

He looked at me.

"I'm a bad person..." he whispered and I saw a small tear next to his eye.

"I... Draco... why would you say something like that?"

"I'm a bad person..." he whispered again. "I'm did something wrong..."

"Draco, I don't think that you are a bad person. I'm sure that whatever you did, you could fix it, maybe the damage hasn't been done yet..."

"No, it's done..."

I held his cold hands.

Draco looked at his left arm.

"I... I..." he sobbed.

I slowly pulled up the sleeve of his suit and I saw the dark mark on his left arm, the symbol of... of... and his followers.

We got on the train.

I sat quietly, thinking about what I saw.

All I could think about is how Draco is important to me.

He was just in the wrong place, he isn't bad.

I can't give up now.


	9. Chapter 9

I got on the train and sat down.

I was on my own now, without any of my good friends. They officially left Hogwarts.

I haven't heard from Draco all summer, and I couldn't risk sending him letters, if he would send me a letter I could know that it's OK to send him some.

Was he on the train? Is he coming to Hogwarts after what happened few months ago?

It feels like it's been years...

I couldn't stop thinking all summer about him. Was he all right?

I spend the ride reading one of my favorite books, hoping it will help me stop thinking about all the bad things that are happening around.

How Hogwarts will be without Dumbledore?

Everyone are saying that there is no safe place anymore.

We got to the great hall and There he was. Sitting there. I couldn't listen to anything that Proffesor McGonagall was saying.

Somewhere in my head, I believe that this was the way of trying to forget that Dumbledore was gone for good.

It's not that I liked him so much, I didn't know him very well of course, but he was good for Hogwarts.

as fast as the feast began it ended.

All the students got up from there tabled and the first years followed their prefects.

There weren't so much first years as always.

I walked fast out of the hall to reach to Draco as fast as I could.

"Draco" I called, Hoping that his friends won't come too.

He turned around.

"can we talk?" I asked.

"I think that we should get to the dormitories now." He said and left me there, confused.

Draco is listening to the Professors?

Next morning I woke up, got dressed and went to the great hall, waiting for Draco.

When he got there he hurried inside to eat breakfast.

"After breakfast" he said as he passed next to me quickly.

I was so confused. I sat down and ate breakfast all alone.

We got our sceduals.

Potions, Dark Arts, Herbology,-

Dark arts?

Dark arts. As is.

After breakfast I got up quickly and waited for Draco.

He noticed me and walked quickly with me away from the rest of the students.

"Draco, why are-" I started but he didn't let me finish.

"Just don't do silly things. Do whatever the professors say." He said.

"Why would I-?"

"Just don't!" He said, almost annoyed.

"Draco, what's going on?" I asked.

"Please listen to me. I know thing." He said, almost bagging.

"Is it about..." I asked and touched his left arm, but he took it away quickly.

"Just don't ask questions I can't answer."

He started walking away from me.

"Draco..."

"I'll come later" he said.

We had a lesson with the gryffindors.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Draco told me that I was wondering about it at class.

I wasn't concerned, but suddenly one of the gryffindor's said something that must upset Proffesor Carrow that she cursed him. I couldn't notice what the curse was, but I understood what Draco was saying.

I had some free time so went down to the lake.

Draco stood next to me.

"You should stop sneaking out like this..." I told him.

He didn't answer.

We stood there in silence for some time.

"So... how was your summer?" I asked.

He smirked "wonderful" he said sarcastically.

"Could you tell me more?" I asked.

He looked at me.

"I told you that you shouldn't ask questions I can't answer..."

"You can't answer to 'how was your summer'?"

"Mostly not."

"This is going to be a tough year if you are not going to tell me anything, Draco..." I said.

This school year became more terrible with every day that passed.

Draco went home few weeks before Easter.

I felt so lost. So lonely.

My sister was at Hogwarts already for few years but she was with her friends all the time, and she will never understand.

We went back home for Easter holidays, but this was enough for me.

I'm going to see Draco.

I've waited until we will be back to Hogwarts, but it hasn't changed. Draco didn't come back after the holidays and this was the sign.

I'm going to the Manor.

I stood there in this total darkness, the Malfoy manor in front of me, still not daring to enter.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward.

I prayed someone will come out, I couldn't just knock at midnight.

I stood there for a moment, in front of the gate. I pushed the gate and it was open.

I went to the huge wooden door, without thinking, ready to knock and suddenly the door opened.

A house - elf stood in front of me.

He opened his mouth to talk but I interrupted.

"I'm here for Draco" I whispered.

The house elf was about to talk again when a familiar voice interrupted again.

"You can go now" he ordered.

"Yes master" he said and disappeared.

Draco came into the small amount of light that was.

"What are you doing here?! Are you crazy?! You could be-" he said.

"You barely talked to me and you disappear for days! I just can't do it like this..."

"Do what?!"

I didn't answer.

"You can't be here!" He said.

"I needed to see you! Relationships don't work when there is only one person, Draco!"

Something in his face relaxed.

"You are risking yourself, you have no idea what is going on in here..."

"I guess I'll be OK when I'm around you" I smile and held his hand.

Gently he leaned forward to kiss me, and closed the door behind, quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

I was reading a book that I found on Draco's night stand when I heard that he woke up.

He looked at me and hurried to get up.

"You need to leave." He said.

I was shocked.

"Please." he continued, almost emotionless "as fast as you can"

"What?!" I asked it surely was unbelievable.

"Listen, you are risking yourself."

"Oh please Draco, enough with this!" I replied, absolutely annoyed.

It seemed like he didn't understand why I reacted this way.

He gave me my shoes and my sweater and finished getting dressed.

Draco led the way downstairs.

"Good morning, mother." he said while she stared at me.

We kept walking fast towards the exit.

He opened the door for me.

"Draco, I..." I said when we were finally out of the manor.

"I'm sorry." he said and hurried back inside.

I pretend I didn't care. Like it didn't hurt me to make her leave this way.

But I did.

I hell did.

"Draco," I heard my mother's voice "breakfast."

"Yes, mother" I obeyed and followed her to the dining room.

The next few weeks were hell.

Draco avoided me, but in such a weird way. He wouldn't talk to me or even look in my direction at all.

I felt like a total mess and had the next few weeks in the hospital wing.

The end was here. The school was attacked by death eaters. We were in the middle of a war.

I can't die, I have such good things to live for.

My mother wanted me and my sister out of Hogwarts as soon as possible, but I couldn't leave. I just couldn't risk not seeing Draco again.

He's in danger, he and his whole family.

He is the man I love the most and I needed to be there.

Death Eaters were everywhere. Curses were flying over my head and so many people have already died.

"Listen to me now! You are coming home" said my mother.

"I'm sorry, mother, but I'm staying here." I said, and with this words, I left.

"Draco," I called when I saw him on the shattered corridors of the castle "Draco, I must tell you something..."

"Well, can't it wait? We are in the middle of war if you haven't noticed"

I caught his hand tightly, preventing him from leaving.

He stared at his hand like two years ago, trying to find something wrong and different in it.

"That's absolutely not the time for that," he told me, emotionless "nor the place" and left quickly.

I felt betrayed. It all went wrong. I've lost all hope.

Shattered I sat down on the cold floor, unfortunately forgetting that we are in the middle of a war when I heard a scream and lost conscience.

Draco and I were standing in a far point, absorbing the lake.

"What?" Draco asked when he noticed I was staring at him.

"Nothing." I said with a smile on my face.

He looked at his hands and for a long time, there was a complete silence.

"Why won't say it?" I asked what I wanted to ask for ages.

Or precisely since Valentine's day.

"Say what?" He replied without looking at me.

"Are you playing stupid Draco?" I laughed.

"I honestly don't know what do you want from me..." he whispered.

"Well... do why don't you say it?" I repeated.

"It?" He asked.

"Yes, 'it'." I said.

After another long minute of silence, I opened my mouth again "Do you love me Draco?"

It seemed like he was stunned and very confused from the question.

I didn't wait for an answer.

"Why won't you say that you love me?"

We were standing there in a complete silence. It was actually a very nice silence. There was no need for words.

"Draco," I whispered after he kissed me gently again. "Tell me you love me..."

He didn't answer but leaned again to kiss me.

"Is everything alright?" Draco asked when he arrived at the edge of the forest, where we said we will meet.

"Of course, what could possibly be wrong?" I replied.

He sighed "is it about that?"

"Well Draco, maybe the problem is that you call it "that"."

"What the matter does that has? I don't think that this is important"

"Well, it is to me!"

"Why are making such a big deal out of it!?" He said angrily.

"Because it is! Why won't you just say it? Why won't you just say that you love me!?"

He started walking around and after a minute stopped.

"I can't."

"And why is that?"

" I don't know how..."

I looked deeply into his gray eyes.

"I guess I don't remember when is the last time someone ever told me something like that."

"She was badly injured" I heard Madam Pomfrey say "I know you want to be next to her but you shall let her rest properly."

I opened my eyes. I was in the hospital wing, but it seems to have much more beds than usual.

"Oh dear," she said when she noticed that I was awake. "I'll come in a minute to check on you again"

She started walking towards the bed to my right but came back to me after a second. "A letter came this morning." she said and nodded towards the night stand on my right that was full of flowers and some candies.

When Madam Pomfrey turned around I took the letter and opened it.

'I shall say that I am sorry I left without a proper goodbye after everything we went through together, but I had no choice.

I could not tell you where I am at the moment.

I won't write too much because I shouldn't be writing to you, or to anyone at all.

I must ask you not to send any letters.

I hope you are feeling better.

I will never forget all the affection and love that you gave me...'

There was a long weird space until the next few words.

'...I love you.'

 **A\N** Hope you liked it, I'll be very happy if you'll write a review, even few words, it meens a lot!


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